Once In a While
by iMadz
Summary: My First DE Attempt!This happens almost after two weeks frm Stelena break up! No Mystic Falls type Delena Dance (As anticipated in 4X07) in my OS, sorry! Damon avoids Elena for weeks, he loves both his bro and Elena! He's angry, sad, confused. This is how he opens himself to her! Finally, Elena is ready to admit her feelings for him. Finally, its all about HIM and not HER anymore!


~ Once in a _While_ ~

A chill ran through her body and shook her to the spine. As wild, cold and cruel breeze kissed her skin, she shivered a little. Just as she walked up to the front door, loud thunderstruck hit her ears and she again, shivered a little. It was perfect stormy night, it didn't rain yet but it was about to and she had no idea why she was there but she was there, at the Salvatore mansion. She really did not wanted to come here but when it comes to certain Salvatore, she could never control herself, it was beyond her control. He would just let her do all those things which in normal circumstances she would never do. Generally, she would be all calm and in control good girl but with _him_ she could just not behave. After everything happened recently, she had to do this. It had been almost two weeks since she broke up with Stefan and she never talked to Damon after that, not that she did not want to but Damon never appeared in front of her, it was shocking as she knew Damon would be there with her, but ever since he saved her from the suicide mission she followed on the Wickery Bridge, she did not see him. He saved her. She and Stefan broke up, _mutually_. Her feelings for _him_ were stronger than ever. And then, today, she called out to him at the Lockwood Mansion for Mystic Falls Pageant, but he did not come back. He just looked at her and gave her a type of smile which does not reach your eyes. He nodded and went away. She was shocked. For the very first time, she saw him like this. Damon she knew was always, angry, rebellious, witty, sarcastic, and even sexy and charming but never lost and defeated. She accepted the fact that she was never saint when it comes to Damon. She had hurt him in so many ways and she was remorseful. She was literally sorry today. For _him._ She had said many things to him which she never meant. Hell, she broke his heart twice but he stayed. He was there, _always._ And today when she called out to him, it was excruciating because Damon did not even react. He just looked at her for split second and she could swear she felt her heart broken into two but he gave her that sad smile which aches and he did that. He just smiled devastatingly at her and then at his baby brother and said it, 'She's all yours' and walked away. He did not even look at her again. It was the gesture that was not heartbreaking, not angry, not even disappointed. It was plain defeat. It was like he was letting her go. He just left her. She knew it should not hurt her but as cruel as it was, it did. It really did hurt badly. She was with her perfect boyfriend again, but it didn't feel warm or safe. All she could felt was like a stake was in her heart and twisting around in million circles. There it happened, with Stefan, trying to mend things between them, she saw _him_ walking away. She felt like she was abandoned.

After he left, the scene was entire different. When Stefan told her about his little chat with his brother the other morning, she got it. She knew Damon was being Damon. After all, Damon was the big brother, he never would admit but he cared. And he cared _too much._ It was all clear now, why Damon let her go, why he did not show up from two weeks, why he was acting like nothing happened. She was just surprised that he did that, he was never that kind of guy, martyr type, at least what she knew of him. But then, there were issues between her and Stefan, she was mad at him for not hiding truth about the cure and even more than that she was mad at him for risking Jeremy's life. She was going through this hell only because of Jeremy, her brother who needed her. It was neither Stefan nor Damon; it was Jeremy for whom she decided to fight. And after knowing the fact that Stefan was hiding things from her, she was pissed. They had a little argument and then god knows what happened and Stefan calmly decided to take a brief pause. She knew. That was it. She knew the immediate moment that they were over, but for her, a very deep and little corner of her heart knew that the night when he left her on the bridge, they were over and if not over than they were broken a little and it could never be fixed again. And tonight, it was clear, at least for her. After biding Stefan much needed goodbye, she straightly went to her room and locked the room. She did not want to talk to anyone.

After turning into Vampire her life has turned upside down, _obviously_. She had no control over her emotions, everything was heightened, magnified and for her, simply so much clear. She loved Stefan, there was no question but the fact that she felt for Damon was something different, her feelings for Damon consumed her. In a split second, she would do anything for him, even die and she wanted to dive with him for eternity and explore herself, explore _themselves_ and in immediate next second, it would scare her, it would scare her that she would never come back from loving him with everything she had, it was one way street. It was risk loving him because she knew once she would fall for him and admit it; it would define her, the only thing worth spending the everlasting existence. There was passion with him, and adventure but there was danger, too. But it all came down to the safe, sound and normal choice which was Stefan. If it would not have been for her newfound fearless sense and courage, she would never admit to herself in front of the mirror that she had chose Stefan because of more than two reasons but the first one was that it was safest option and then came her love for him. Stefan never consumed her or challenged her. It was pure romantic-movie-type-supportive love. And she knew she would have normal life with her vampire boyfriend as she wanted it. But as they say, life screws everyone, she became vampire against her own wish and now, her feelings for Damon were even stronger than before. And that's what it got her here; she was not with Stefan, not with Damon. She was just alone, right now. From deep down her heart, she felt light, after getting things clear with Stefan, she like she got rid of some unwanted burden of her heart.

She was sitting on her window, _his _place, staring at nothing in particular and that's when she decided she needed to go. She needed to apologize to him, at least nothing but apology would do. Deep down her heart she knew it was not just about apology, she wanted to talk to him about the mess she has become and the mess she has created for _him_. She literally felt bad for him, it was not pity. She was sad for him, for her, for Stefan, for them. She chose Stefan, she should have been okay, she should have been happy. But she was not, it did not work. Stefan should be okay but he was not because he was obsessed with getting a cure for her that pissed her off as he hid it and then she even felt like he was not interested for her but for him. He was hell bent on getting cure and making her human again. As if she was not enough for him, humanity was something he needed to love her and not herself as whole, with the bad side. It was like he did not believe in her, about how strong she can be. She was strong, she could handle the new found vampirism but she just needed little support and time. She believed in herself but it seemed that Stefan did not. It saddens her and at the same time, it pissed her off too. And there was Damon, being Damon as always. He helped her as he always used to do even after her heart breaking rejection. And still...he was there with everything he had. The passion. _I would have saved you in a heartbeat. No question._ He said it. And she wondered why she felt so good and secure at the same time in that one god damn sentence. There was hurt in his eyes because he wanted life for her, the life that she wanted and deserved. And even after everything, he was there with her in every step, teaching her, reassuring her and simply, making everything easy for her. And there was she, falling for him more than ever. Therefore, she decided to meet him, to talk to him, apologize to him. It was time she needed to come clean with herself, it was time she should let her heart lead the way. And that's why she ended up here at his mansion with the perks of being Vampire. As she quickly entered his room and saw him standing at the window with his classis bourbon.

'What? Why are you here, now?' he asked without turning around, emptiness in his voice.

'You have been avoiding me from days.' She stated in plain voice.

He did not say anything. He did not even turned around, he just started out at the window, probably, staring at nothing but avoiding eye contact with her. So, she continued.

'Damon...I know why you are doing this. I know. And I am here to apologize for...for everything I ever done to you…I am really…' She blurt out directly. She was not in mood to play for words. She had done that already for enough time. Now was the time to speak. _To talk._

'…God damn it, Elena. I don't want your apology.' _I need your acceptance. _

And he turned around. Agony in his eyes broke her heart. It was all too much.

'Look. I get it. I really do. You are going through this rough patch and you want all goody goody perfect life with your perfect boyfriend and you don't want to become like me. It's fine. You don't have to justify yourself for me. It's something you should think upon. You know what you want whether you like it or not. So please...just drop it. Spare me, Elena. Stefan will be here soon. I hope by now you both have made up, _again_. You can plan your eternity, _again_.'

It hurt. _She knew she deserved it but still...it hurt._

'Why are you so mad at me?' _Seriously? Why in the hell he was mad? And for what?_

'I am not mad at you. For god sakes. You know when actually I think...I am. You know once in a while I get to be mad at you. I know it's always going to be Stefan, even though you had this little break up thing come between you guys for some days, but Elena, let's just pretend for once that nothing is okay with us. And you know that. You know I can't walk away from you, even if I want to. I know it because it's real, you can't walk away. I am here to help you and you don't have to worry about it because I am not leaving you or _him_. I so want to. But I can't and _I_ _won't_. But you know something, Elena? There is only so much I can take. For once in a while, I get to be mad and for once in a while, I have to stand up for myself. I…I have to.'

He was literally shaking now, and when he looked at her, he saw tiny little drops of tears making its way down her cheeks. He just stood there in wonder. _Why in the hell she was crying for? _GOD! He could not even look at her now without grimacing, it was bad. He screwed up again. So, he sat on the bed, shoulders down like completely defeated. And he whispered,

'I am sorry!' That was it. He would not say it again. Elena was the first and last person after Alaric, he would even admit that he was sorry.

Elena moved closer to him and stood in front of him. Ever so slowly and gently, she touched his shoulders, but he was not looking at her, he was staring down at the floor. She wanted to caress his cheeks and made him look at her but she _didn't._ Instead, she just stood there, shamelessly adoring the way he was opening to her. At least it was something. Damon never exposed his emotional side and tonight, there was something. Anger. Disappointment. Hurt. Vulnerability. His walls were breaking down, it was almost like nothing but it was surely something. But she really had no idea why he was so mad, and about mad.

'Damon…I don't get it. Why are you so mad?' She whispered.

And he snapped.

'Come on, Elena. You know why you are here. Please…Elena. _Please_.' His voice broke.

'Damon, I don't think so…things will ever be better with Stefan again. It's not regular break up. I think…it's over. It's so over.' And she tried really hard not to break down in front of him.

And then, she touched _him._ She squeezed his shoulder tight. He looked at her with those sad, pleading eyes. They did not say anything for a while.

'He is my baby brother' And he broke the silence with a voice so low that only a vampire could hear.

'I know.' She whispered. She sighed. She knew what he was thinking, she knew exactly why he was mad, for being second choice, for being him and he was mad at them. Her inner soul let out a little smile knowing the fact that how much he cared, even though he never showed it. She, now, knew that he was scared that Stefan would go back to his 'Ripper' mode and everything they have done to bring him back would fail. There was so much pain, despair in his voice, and with so little words, he disclosed everything to her. But she could not deny her feelings for him.

'But I can't deny what I feel, Damon. I have been doing this for so long, now, I am not able to do that' she said, and ran her hand through his black hair, lovingly.

'Damn it!' he grabbed her hand strongly with agonized expression on his face.

And she came even closer, almost, in his lap. She sat on his legs, and he let her which surprised her a little. She wrapped her arms around his body tightly and let him loose his self in her embrace; she could feel his low breathing on her neck.

'It will kill me. It will destroy me, Elena.' He murmured. And he buried his face in her neck. She, again, ran fingers through his hair, and this time he did not stop her. His voice was shaken, almost afraid to admit it. It was like a little boy lost in a sea of fear and pain, frightened, rejected, neglected and hurt beyond all endurance.

She knew what he meant. She knew his insecurities, Stefan was finding cure and she knew what he must be thinking, if he would get the cure and she become human again, and run back to Stefan. It was anger in disguise of insecurity and in fear of rejection, all over again. She looked into his eyes, and she knew she was right. He was mad because, he was sad for his baby brother, he was mad because, he was insecure; he was scared for falling for her, and getting his heart broken all over again. But she knew it would never happen. She, for once, knew what exactly she wanted. Damon was the one. She was depressed teenage girl when Stefan came into her life and she fell for him as she felt protected. It was different Elena then and now she had grown up into a woman who really did not wanted protection anymore, she was not little scared damsel in distress anymore, she was strong, and she needed someone who can believe in her and consume her, she wanted the same amount of compassion, passion which she had from the beginning, but after being Vampire, she knew, who she exactly was. She was dangerous, she was passionate and she was just like Damon. She needed him, to be with her. She needed him in each step, and not to protect her anymore. She wanted a companion, a partner, an equal partner who could understand her and she knew Damon was she needed, whom she wanted.

'It won't.' With that she sealed her lips on his, and all the passion, love, comfort, pain she held back from months, was released. It was just not about passion, it was about silent promises, apologies, deep love and it was about the same feeling they both had. It was so _right. _He almost chocked. Almost after a century and a half, something was being returned. It was all too much. He was being _loved._ The feeling was so alien to him, being loved in return. She was actually there and kissing him. His vision blurred, he did not realize how it happened, but it did. He blinked back all the tears, just to see her face again. He caressed her face, just to know that it was not some cruel dream. She caught his hand, and clasped her fingers with his. And he kissed her back, with everything he had. It was painful and beautiful at the same. They have no idea what will happen in future, but they were enjoying the moment. Soon she pushed him back and they were on bed, lying against each other. Somewhere in between the passionate moment, she heard him say, 'Stop!' and she did. She knew what exactly he meant. And she kissed his forehead with same amount of love, she held him in her arms, to savor moment, to feel warmth of his body.

She knew, for once in a while, it was not about her. It was about him. She needed to make him feel safe, to feel open, to feel like he was being loved and be cared. She wanted to make him realize that he was worth loving for eternity. She held him tightly, and ran fingers through his dark hair, as the moonlight playing hide and seek with the dark clouds, cascading upon them through the window; they just lied down there on his king size bed, and felt each other along with the cool breeze and on and off thunderstruck, shaking her, but she was not scared, not now, she was with him. She was not sure about what will happen in future, but for one thing, she was sure that she would never let him go. She would never let him break again, no matter what, she was sure; she would never ever lose him. She wanted him; she wanted him in his good and in bad, she wanted him with danger and passion, she wanted all of him, for forever, for eternity.


End file.
